Reconnaissance Work

Upon first impression, Orlando is the new Miami.

A dark bar, minimal music, a disco ball. It’s 1-800-Lucky meets Centro with the eeriness of Electric Pickle.

At this point only veteran Miamians will know what I’m talking about as two of the three venues mentioned above are now just a memory.

But I like it here. No one’s on their phone except me, writing this story. Reminds me of the weird times I used to go out to these obscure places in Miami. Dark. Underground.

Something about the underground is intriguing. I know it’s a dangerous world to get caught up in – filled w narcissists, fantasists, and escapists. But I find myself to be a nerd amongst the crowd. I secretly always wanted to be a dancer. And here is where I get to be just that.

I still think about my ex. I’m sure that will pass, but I suppressed memories for 12 years – and that’s just gonna take some time to unpack and settle. He wasn’t so nice to me. I remember why it ended. And he never sought to really remedy the wrongs. Maybe I thought time would change him. But at 35, I’m a grown woman, and no one has that kind of time to keep holding out for their first love to change and be the person he or she always needed.

So life goes on. I heard someone say that once you love someone, you don’t stop loving them. It’s impossible to. So how I see it, the quest is to squeeze the part of my heart that once was reserved for him, to the side. It kind of hurts, but it’s better than pining for the impossible, which hurts ten-fold.

It would’ve been so much damn easier if he hadn’t his issues, but that’s his journey, and honestly someone else’s problem now.

I’m perfectly content being single for now. There is this neighbor of mine… 

But the way I see it, all roads lead to New York. I’m enjoying Florida while I can. Orlando tonight for James Zabiela – he gets on in 30 minutes – very much looking forward to that.

Xoxo