Flipping the script
You know, when someone’s in so much pain, it’s easy for one to cast judgment.
The truth is, if I’m not yet dating and building the relationship to form a family, that just means, I’m not ready yet.
God is still shaping and molding me into the person that I need to become. My ex being unavailable has been a huge lesson in humility, a critical value to have in relationships. We were a vain, good-looking couple at 22 years old. I suppose we both had to learn that lesson.
I think I recently just got my heart back, so that’s cool. It’s only been gone for a decade+.
Healing the heart has been a journey. I did a guided meditation tonight that aided my integration of this new-found healed heart chakra. It was cleansing. I feel peace.
I know what it’s like to have my heart sing. And that is the vibration I’m resonating with.
I will be curious to see my ex the next time we’re out, how it will be. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, before all the bad stuff in my life started happening.
I have really been through it. I lost my health, my job, my apartment, my sanity, my sense of safety, and lastly, my love.
Luckily, these things have mostly been restored. And that’s how I know I’m on the right path.
To be honest, thinking anymore about the music week confusion in love gives me a headache. It happened.
I do wonder if I had had a consistent meditation practice if I would have arrived at my awakening sooner. It definitely motivates me to want to meditate. So much time gone, acting out unhealed trauma wounds. Oh well!
No more time being spent in unrest. Just living my fullest, authentic life. My soul has remembered itself. And maybe I needed my ex for that purpose.
It’s interesting, by following an astrology account on Instagram, through the comments I met a woman who had experienced a similar soul reunion. We start DMing from half way across the world and we have three of the same placements.
I’ve never met anymore with so many of the same placements – rising, sun, and venus. We chatted I think for over an hour.
But as my best friend said, you don’t want to date someone like you. And after an hour+ of chatting, as cool as it was, it did burn me out a bit!
So the irony is that my ex, I’d be upset at him for not being like me, when in reality, that’s just what I need. Someone who likes music, chooses to fall in love, but with a different approach to problems and life, even communication. Yin and yang.
I’m just happy to have my heart back. I think anything is possible at this point. And I will see him again. That’s just the music scene for you. And I hope I will meet someone new, too.
We compare and contrast in relationships because that’s how we learn about ourselves. What we like and don’t like. And most of all, we learn what’s real. My heart is singing, this time not due to my real love for a man, but real love from within, for myself. And each day, I get closer to being the woman I need to be, to be a strong woman, mother, and wife.