The re-welcome of Rockville

God, it feels good to be in a place that’s heavy on the black eyeliner.

Two minutes into the music being turned back on due to bad weather, Bullet for My Valentine is kicking off round 2. I’m walking into GA, looking for VIP, when a young man from behind me comes running up near me and throws himself to the ground in an orangutan battle-cry, jack-a-rolling off the ground using his shoulders to assume a normal human walking position. This happens in a flash, but I notice the barbarism immediately.

I’m back at Rockville.

Meanwhile, this warrior’s friend trailing behind him makes no indication that anything outside of the norm has occurred. This is the new normal for the next 4 days.

So Rockville came and went, and I’m not the same person.

I met someone pretty special. He’s a rocker. He explained to me how rock music is rooted in exposing real human flaws compared to the catchy pop songs that keeps things light or falsely illuminated. I had to admit, EDM is a bit rooted in the falsity of grandeur and euphoric emotions. DJs and their fans go through real shit, too.

“Just because a song is 4-5 min and is catchy doesn’t mean its better”

It also doesn’t mean that we (rock fans) don’t deserve to be happy.

He mentioned how rock has deteriorated to where it’s at. “I don’t like what became of it.” I can only assume this statement means the culture isn’t what it once was.

What is obvious though is that young people keep up the tradition of rock and roll. There were plenty Gen Z’s in attendance, dressing the part, and even some babies in the audience (yes, Rockville is an all-ages event). 

As my friend who attended the last day only excitedly exclaimed. “We’ll never be in the 90’s again!” So it was everyone’s chance to go back to a simpler time.

It was a fun eclipse from real life. People camped overnight, sang karaoke with strangers, and hula-hooped the day away. Music it seems, at least when it comes to rock and electronic music, brings people together.

These are the two genres that I vibe with. 

We had a friend flying into the crowd like a bat in the night, coming in and out as he pleased. It was always funny to see him fly right back to join our crew.

A phrase I picked up that weekend, was being “dialed in,” which is almost the same as being tuned in. I appreciated this new take on words.

So yeah, I met someone, but he doesn’t live in Miami! So what’s a girl to do.

I wonder what next Rockville will look like. In the meantime, MusicPass is coming along and that’s the focus this summer. Music events are in the bag. I did 25 events in 60 days. I don’t think I’ll do that ever again. 

This is mid-thirties. I’m proud of my accomplishments. Now, it’s time for the next chapter.

Keep shining, people. The world needs your light, honesty, and love.

Heal heal heal.

this is a STORY.

Eleven years of magic took place inside this club.

I remember the opening night, November 2012, a few weeks before Art Basel. I approached the new club by myself. I had been a frequenter of Amnesia nightclub before that, and was excited to see the new space.

A young woman, she must have been 19, was working as a hostess at what used to be a restaurant adjacent to Story. I saw the busy ropes, and I guess I lingered because it looked too intense to jump right into by myself. So I was scoping out the restaurant, which hadn’t been there in Amnesia days. The hostess spots me and prompts me that I should meet someone.

Segway Brazilian Dan, who was hosting a dinner party before going into the club. The promoter who would see me grow up, from Story to Mansion to Shore Club Sundays. I still see him around through friends today. So quite seriously, the opening night of Story has shaped my life forevermore.

Highlights of the club: well, let me first start with some highlights of Amnesia:

  1. I loved the space of Amnesia, it was like a Greek Amphitheater, and the fighting stage was the dance floor. So many places to sit. It was great.
  2. falling asleep in Amnesia, mid-seating area, because despite my pleas to go home, my posse wouldn’t. 
  3. going to MMW 2011 to see Kaskade and Seb Ingrosso play with my boyfriend. They wayyyy oversold tickets. It was so packed for such a large club. AND THE A/C BROKE. Omg, I have never been so hot in a club in my entire life. We had just come from Ultra. We were standing all the way in the back, squashed like sardines, but at least had some air/space due to the exit being right behind us. We stayed the entire time. No one was leaving, even with the broken A/C. That was a crazy time.

Alright, now we go to Story:

  1. Listening to Million by Otto Knows on the dance-floor. This is one of my all-time favorite songs. It’s just a life song for me. Captures a place in time of complete rapture. Opens my heart and lets me shine from the inside-out. It also helps when club lights are shining right on you in the middle of the dance-floor. Adds to the glow, you know? 
  2. Seeing Dirty South kill a set in 2014, when house music was crumbling all around me. There was so much bad music at the time, and he was like a saving grace to my ears, my body, my soul. I remember locking eyes with him, smiling at him. He’s my spirit DJ. What can I say?
  3. Lots of Kaskade.
  4. Oh, apparently I’ve fallen asleep twice in this club. NYE 2013, open bar for Kaskade. Yeah, I go to the toilet, and apparently fall asleep for 2 hours. My friends at 3am, hey! where were you? i’m like, omg.. imagine waking up, head in hands, and being like, wtf. That was a morning that lasted til 2pm at Nikki Beach, so I’m grateful I got some zzz’s. (That was the first year that Foxhole was open and it stayed open hush-hush til 9am…so cool).
  5. I stopped clubbing for a period of my life. OH 2014, my first Tinder date. I go on a date with a young man who’s won a radio contest from San Francisco, to do a meet-and-greet with David Guetta and see the show at Story afterwards. I got a pic. Yeah, all other app dates have been blah. lol
  6. I know I’ve been in the VIP area behind the DJ booth, but I can’t tell you when.
  7. This MMW for SHM, having Laidback Luke less than 4 feet away from me, and me being in awe of my maturity, when eight years ago, I covertly snuck into the DJ booth of LIV past the security guard, waiting for my moment to get a picture, i’m crying because the security guard has caught me, and i’m begging, please let me just get a photo. LOL I got the photo. And then, my last big party of Story, he’s right there, and I’m talking to someone in his posse, retelling the tale, laughing about it. How times change.
  8. Dancing in VIP mid stage at my promoter’s table.
  9. Oh, dancing VIP front right stage with a bachelor party.
  10. Dancing VIP left stage with Dan and his wife, Lauren, with a group.
  11. Upstairs. Downstairs. All around. Loop Loop Loop.
  12. Drink tickets from my friend.

I mean, I guess that does it for memories. I definitely had the “best spots” in the club picked out. I remember so many times being right in front of the DJ, you couldn’t even see him. That strategy eventually moved to side stage, then further back, then upstairs. There used to be a nook and cranny on the bottom left side that would be a good spot. Just good feels in this place.

Ok, Story. That was a good one. I hope you come back. We like our stories here.

xoxo Victoria

Shadows and Light

Have you heard of Franky Rizardo’s new song, “This Energy?”

Lyrics go something like this:

She still love for you.

She say she ??

They do not know what they do.

They don’t know saying that their shit. 

Proof of emotions.

They drunk on their problems.

And yous was on board when it started.

She notices she ain’t the same.

She’s trying to stop playing games. 

Love the wounds in the session.

All of those who are listening.

Don’t miss the message, judging me.

You cannot fuck with this energy. Ah.

It’s a good song and probably relevant to the season of change. It’s spring. Ahhhh

Love is in the air! And not how you think. This period has been about exposing the shadows that hold us back. There’s been so many revelations. And that only paves the way for “this energy.”

This is a season for new energy. Fresh energy. We have our shadows, but we’re capable of harnessing the light.

“I am the way, the truth, and the light. No one comes to the Father except through me.” -Jesus

Jesus is how we know love. And love is how we know God. And we need love, particularly self-love, which is the “way, truth, and light.”

We need forgiveness. Including forgiveness of self. We need to shine, people!

It hasn’t even been a month since this layer of music week awakening, but here we are, post-eclipse. Is everyone feeling ok? It’s ok if you’re not! Some are still roughin’ it. Hang in there!

I’m grateful to have solid memories of self before I started giving my energy probably in unevenly yoked relationships. I’ve been a party girl. Probably always will be one, even as wife and mother lol. It brings me joy. It hasn’t been about the party though, it’s been about the respect, time, and devotion.

And I’m just gonna keep resonating on that frequency of joy, self-love, and self-respect. When we do that, everyone benefits. Let the others who don’t understand what your “normal” is fall away, because they’re probably not your tribe.

Cloak yourself in love and watch your world be transformed.

Lights on, please. (Snap snap) It’s showtime.

Love triumphs

My creativity has been on a rocket-ship since music week.

So much writing. So much processing.

I am healed.

Love keeps no record of wrong-doing, and that includes self-love. If you are giving yourself shame or guilt, as a means of punishing yourself, those aims are fruitless. You couldn’t have known what you know now.

I feel raw, but I’m also filled with radiance. 

Whatever I come into next will be fresh and mature.

I’m no longer in bondage to past pain. The past is in the past. Every day is new. And I get to live the life I want to live, treating people kindly, treating myself kindly. This is called a living amends.

I hope my healing helps to heal others. 

Perhaps Love has no face. I see it in my dog. I see it in pictures with my ex. I see it when I look in the mirror (and I don’t look as awful as I feel lol). I see it it in my mom. I see it in sunshine.

My God is a good God. And I have everything I need and want. If someone wants to add to my life, great, otherwise I’m doing fine because that’s what God has blessed me with.

Listening to the world will be the death of many souls, but listening to Light is the start of rebirth.

My heart soars again, in a way of celebration of truth and light.

What is for me cannot be stopped. And I will treasure it dearly.

I am love. And no one can take that from me.



I had a dream that was wonderful, to realize that it’s not a reality I live in.

Karma really is awful, when you’re on the wrong side of it.

Have you heard the new Taylor Swift song called, “Karma?” I heard it for the first time yesterday. I liked it. She’s a clever songwriter.

Anyways, I thought I was more like Taylor, keeping her side of the street clean. Now, I’m seeing, I’ve been kind of cruel myself. Not with words, but by withdrawing at the second I feel pain. I’ve been such a reactive unhealed child. And I’ve recreated the abandonment wound many times for others, when that’s exactly what I don’t want to do. I’m a byproduct of abandonment trauma myself.

I feel abandoned now. How terrible. Perhaps God is teaching me to be a better person. Keep your side of the street clean. I promise it’s worth it.


The real quest in life is really to find one’s self, become one’s best version.

Maybe Miami ideology says differently, between the emphasis on looks, money, and status. Ha, perhaps that’s the irony. I had a Miami love and was tricked into thinking something else could be better, could be easier.

Nothing is better than love. The real stuff, not the lust, not the comfort, not the illusion of it, here today, gone tomorrow.

Love is work. This includes loving one’s self.

I’m becoming a bit more withdrawn on my internal circumstances. But I do think it’s important to note that we ought to have joy in our lives.

Real joy.

I review the past four significant interactions w my ex and they’ve had more or less disastrous consequences. Verbally hurt, emotionally neglected, then absent, and then opened to and quickly shut down. It sounds pretty awful for two people that loved one another. Like we keep cross-firing without intending to.

I remember a real moment in breaking w my twin flame, and his reply was, “It brings more pain than joy.”

I don’t want to cause pain, to myself or to others. So if the Universe has said, “Let go,” I’m letting go. It’s too much to fight God.

We did have one positive interaction in the past year at lunch, and he was still so loving and open to having me in his life. But I wasn’t ready to trust. I feel like I could use his support and motivation these days. Like I didn’t realize what I had when he was offering it. Foolish.

And so the timing just feels awful. And I’m tired of feeling awful. I’m a pretty awesome person at the end of the day. I was actually on such a good vibe Friday of music week, my heart soared and expanded so much.

That’s the version I’m trying to get back to. But I know somehow I’m changed. And I can’t quite put my finger on it. And there’s no going back, only forward.

I’m trying to honor my past without getting stuck in it. I can’t change 11 years of behavior, but I can look forward, and say, I’m not going to be that person anymore.

I deserve peace and happiness. And I need to go back to that, now that I’ve looped w a soulmate.

Soulmates are strange, huh?

There’s only one left that I’d really be open to trying things with. But the way is shut.

So maybe there is a new soulmate…but honestly, with the rapid evolution since music week, I need a break. Just a tune into my office decoration project, maybe get some highlights – I feel like its a new era.

No more pain. Only gain. I love you. Thank you for listening.

Flipping the script

You know, when someone’s in so much pain, it’s easy for one to cast judgment.

The truth is, if I’m not yet dating and building the relationship to form a family, that just means, I’m not ready yet.

God is still shaping and molding me into the person that I need to become. My ex being unavailable has been a huge lesson in humility, a critical value to have in relationships. We were a vain, good-looking couple at 22 years old. I suppose we both had to learn that lesson.

I think I recently just got my heart back, so that’s cool. It’s only been gone for a decade+.

Healing the heart has been a journey. I did a guided meditation tonight that aided my integration of this new-found healed heart chakra. It was cleansing. I feel peace.

I know what it’s like to have my heart sing. And that is the vibration I’m resonating with. 

I will be curious to see my ex the next time we’re out, how it will be. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me, before all the bad stuff in my life started happening.

I have really been through it. I lost my health, my job, my apartment, my sanity, my sense of safety, and lastly, my love.

Luckily, these things have mostly been restored. And that’s how I know I’m on the right path.

To be honest, thinking anymore about the music week confusion in love gives me a headache. It happened.

I do wonder if I had had a consistent meditation practice if I would have arrived at my awakening sooner. It definitely motivates me to want to meditate. So much time gone, acting out unhealed trauma wounds. Oh well!

No more time being spent in unrest. Just living my fullest, authentic life. My soul has remembered itself. And maybe I needed my ex for that purpose.

It’s interesting, by following an astrology account on Instagram, through the comments I met a woman who had experienced a similar soul reunion. We start DMing from half way across the world and we have three of the same placements.

I’ve never met anymore with so many of the same placements – rising, sun, and venus. We chatted I think for over an hour.

But as my best friend said, you don’t want to date someone like you. And after an hour+ of chatting, as cool as it was, it did burn me out a bit!

So the irony is that my ex, I’d be upset at him for not being like me, when in reality, that’s just what I need. Someone who likes music, chooses to fall in love, but with a different approach to problems and life, even communication. Yin and yang.

I’m just happy to have my heart back. I think anything is possible at this point. And I will see him again. That’s just the music scene for you. And I hope I will meet someone new, too.

We compare and contrast in relationships because that’s how we learn about ourselves. What we like and don’t like. And most of all, we learn what’s real. My heart is singing, this time not due to my real love for a man, but real love from within, for myself. And each day, I get closer to being the woman I need to be, to be a strong woman, mother, and wife.


Ok post-pandemic era: not only am I older, but my feet are hella out of shape for a night of wearing heels dancing.

I wasn’t the only one.

Last night was Gorgon City at DAER nightclub. I really enjoyed the aesthetics of this club. It was my first time going, and things just worked like clockwork. Entry. VIP. Beverages. It was fun.

So somewhere around 2:30am, I was consciously reviewing my dance history while trying to ignore the fiery pain coming from floor. I used to wear heels ALL the time. So many hours of music in heels. The ratio of my history in heels versus non-heels is probably still above 50%. I didn’t wear a flat pair of shoes to Space until well after four years attending (after 2010). Wedges would see me kick it on the dancefloor, sometimes up to 12 hours at a time. I remember the shame of a closing party at SET during Miami Music Week 2012 where I wore some posh flat sandals. My boyfriend at the time reassured me. It was our 11th party in 5 days, we had just come from Ultra all 3 days – they understand why I’m wearing flats on a Sunday night.

Fast-forward to 2023 when sneakers are standard! Not to mention, there’s about two years where no one wore any high-heels at all.

So I made it last night from dinner at Kuro to dancing hardcore for Gorgon City, to even dancing to the post-DJ “Festival Nun” until 4am. I went almost 7 hours.

And these are tried-and-true heels, not some new pair.

All that to say, I was in awe of my former self. So many hours of dancing every week in a pair of heels. For YEARS. Perhaps a decade. ???? like sometimes up to six times a week lol. What a wild foot fetish history.

I would even physically jump up and down beneath the DJ booth at LIV. I remember those heels. Tried and true. And one day, I twisted my ankle from doing this and sat down at the main VIP booth to the right when facing the DJ. It was some lux couple, but I was in so much pain, I had to sit down.

That’s when I stopped jumping up and down in high heels – like fives years into my dancing career at 22 years old. But I still wore the heels. I still wear them today.

But man, it was a rude awakening. Either I need to build some endurance or skip the dinner and go straight to the club.

I mean, who doesn’t like a good heel? Yes, we live in an era that says, “Oh, but it’s so bad for you.” Dude, this is Miami. I’ll never forget going to see Atrak at what was SET’s new name? Anyways, young women were wearing ripped jeans and sneakers. I wanted to shriek in horror! What happened to the standards of South Beach? We have or had something called class – as I wore my neon green bodycon and danced like a maniac (in heels) to his set. This isn’t Space. Wear some heels.

So I’m currently flexing my feet on my sofa, so grateful for these legs that let me express myself. But I don’t think I’ll ever go back to the days of dancing six nights a week in heels. 

Girl, you did it. Now it’s time to watch a movie.

Thank you for listening to my PSA.

The big epiphany

Here’s a plot twist: what if the love of your life is spiritually unwell?

A secular term for this might look like alcoholic, addict, psychopath, narcissist.

I think I am grieving the good man in his soul, but I’m also being reminded of the demons that haunt him.

I’m not saying he is these things, but what has been evident since the time we were 7 and a half months dating, is his confusion. I wrote in my journal, “Sometimes, I can’t tell when Mr. Big is telling the truth and when he’s lying.”

When does Mr. Big Heart become Mr. Big Liar? It’s called spiritual illness, or a secular term, insecurity. We can only gain our security from a Higher Power. I’m a firm believer in that. Everything else is too hard. Life is hard enough, and almost impossible without God.

It’s not just about tragedies and lessons – this is about Truth.

They say the pain will leave us when we’ve learned the lesson. I’d like to amend that. I think the pain leaves us once we learn the Truth.

And I’m not criticizing people. Like I’ve attested, life is hard! It’s taken me over a decade to gain this clarity. And I met him with clarity this past music week and the weeks that have followed. With my pure and honest heart. For the first time in 11 years.

I’m so proud of myself.

There’s that adage though that says, “Guard your heart!” Confusion can be so insidious. We meet Mr. Big Heart – the one I committed to at 6 months mutually exchanging words at 22 years old, “You’re the one” – telling me he loved me and that he’s never loved anyone else like me – to Mr. Big Liar, telling me less than 48 hours later, “I’ve moved on.” 

What?! Lies. One way or another, there is certainly a lie. 

Then the Cruelty. Knee-jerking of the heart.

I’m so happy for my wisdom. And take it from someone who knows, a person can only be as honest with others as he or she is with him- or herself.

I’ve forgiven him already. But my quest and expansion for love is real and ongoing.

I still want the vision. God gifted it to me. The partner at Factory Town, the kids, the house, the honeymoon in Ibiza. 

You might be asking, what does this have to do with Miami Music? Well, if you’re cut from the same cloth, you do indeed believe that house music is a spiritual thing. And the people we love through the music is elevated to a special place. It’s spiritual, alright.

And even house music love for someone else can’t cure someone. He or she has to do it for him- or herself. I was ready to pour so much love over the past 11 years that I’ve missed with him. And God said, nope. Save that.

So I’m waiting. Patiently waiting. That’s my big epiphany.

Gorgon City tonight at DAER nightclub. I’m ready to celebrate this newfound wisdom. Cheers!

Tragedies and lessons

Notions of love are usually lofty, airy, and dreamy. It’s no wonder when things go awry – we see it as a tragedy.

This is the most accurate disposition in my own life. I had to peel back four unhealthy relationships, to go back to the source of my pain, to find my heart again, only to find that my love doesn’t love me anymore. I took just a few months too long it seems.

Timing. Timing is another bitch. 

Even a friend of mine told me she hadn’t heard me mention this guy’s name in the four years she’s known me. Well, that’s avoiding pain for you!

I’m learning how to manage pain in a healthy way. I can’t let anymore time go by wasted.

I’m going to be 35 come this July. That sounds so old. I’ve taken so much time to get this clarity in my life. It’s not easy when your earthly father is an enemy, and every single person who comes in has to be filtered in a way that says, “Can I fundamentally trust this person? Is this person good for me?” The worst part is that I didn’t even realize my father was an enemy until last year – so no wonder my cues and direction have been so winding, not yielding fruit.

Sick people are going to be sick until they get the help they need. That’s just the way it is. And no amount of duty or respect can get them to change. No amount of love or effort can make them heal. You cannot love their pain out of them. Only they can love themselves out of the pain. They have to come to God for that, who is the source of Love.

I speak from experience. It’s taken me two years of self-love (the real stuff, not the escapist version) to get to this point. I found myself this past music week, and although my love could not wait for me any longer, and that pains me so much sometimes, I got me back. And I’m not adding to the chaos and confusion anymore.

Bad fathers are a root of unrest in this world. I’m a big believer in that. However, just as the past century has been an Age of Women, I believe an Age of Men is coming. A world that is full of compassionate, whole, strong men who will be not only the physical protectors, but the spiritual protectors that women and families need as well.

Love is a fragile thing, a gift that needs to be covered at all costs. Physical & spiritual development is the price of this protection, and soon people, both men and women, will understand that.

I believe part of my failing in my loving relationship was not having God be a part of it. I don’t think I prayed much when we were together. We had little protection from the sources that try to destroy love. And guess what? The enemy took that one.

I could perhaps have three children by now and been around the world with my partner in crime. But the enemy got in, and ultimately tore us apart before our brains had even fully developed. 

I miss him. I miss me when I was with him. It was a really good feeling. A sense of security and home. Like I found my person in this universe who understood my tastes in music and could stay out all night like me. Of course I’m remembering the good…and it feels like it should have stayed that way.

No control techniques, no prioritizing parties over our relational foundational needs. Just home.

We all need that person that makes us feel like we’re home. Home is a feeling. And this was the person that had given me that special feeling. And I’ve been away for a long time and now he’s not here.

So I get to do what a lot of women do, keep going. Have Faith in a power greater than myself. Don’t get overwhelmed by thoughts of the future. Keep praying. Be grateful. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

What is for me cannot pass me by IF I do these things.