Love

There may not be a single word spoken more by the human race.

We interpret it as a series of actions. We interpret it as a feeling. We interpret it as perfection.

The reality is that a human, loving relationship is imperfect; the perfection we feel from it is from a spiritual source.

A lot of forgiveness and humility is involved. I suppose that’s why they say not to focus on the feeling so much, as that’s not what’s going to get you by in the long run.

I’ve been a feeler. Yup, I admit it. If it didn’t feel good, I was ready to feel good again. A professional runner from pain. Life was short. And there were countless opportunities to find Love.

False. The truth is, I was hurting.

There’s a special case called the human, abusive relationship. This relationship is a poison to our spirits, and it includes emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. A bunch of forgiveness and humility will still not make Love appear.

If you’ve been exposed to that, know you’re not alone. Abuse came into my life at a young age, and I’ve wanted to marry it. It’s a grotesque cycle. A lot of perversion of the word, “love,” masquerading as control and self-loathing.

I’m so happy to heal my pain. I made amends to my ex, the one who emotionally abused me for years.

It feels good to be relieved of guilt. I owned my part (we all play a part), and I’m proud of myself.

At some point, you have to figure out that Love is a state of being. It doesn’t matter what another person does, you can still have love in your being. You can pray for them, think on them.

“Whatsoever things are true,

whatsoever things are honest,

whatsoever things are just,

whatsoever things are pure,

whatsoever things are lovely,

whatsoever things are of good report;

if there be any virtue, and if there be

any praise, think on these things.” – Phil 4:8

Having honest thoughts is important. It’s not that a person is these things, but that the thoughts about them are.

We’re all fighting a spiritual battle. I have scars, just like the rest of humanity. I think that’s why there’s these epic movies like Lord of the Rings that do so well in emphasizing the battle of good versus evil.

The person we love the most, we can wage the worst war. We see their pain and want to take it away, love it away, transcend to this hopeful cloud, only to get burned and thus burn them in return.

Sometimes the most at-stake war is the one happening at home, internally, self-versus-self. Maybe each of us has a little Gollum inside. I want to be nice, but oh, evil has had its way with me. So let me cover it up and pretend everything is fine, until I can no longer pretend. So on and so forth…

I fucking hate evil lol.

I really do. And when you start to see humans in that light, not as monsters of their own device, but as vehicles capable of inflicting pain from another dimension, it’s the beginning of Truth.

It’s not truly who they are. Their appearance is not what they have been made to be, which are offshoots of Love.

That’s where Grace comes in.

We all need Grace.

We need some common sense, too. But like, we need Grace. We need Peace. We need to own our part. Face the monster in the mirror. And realize, that, too, is a lie. 

So my prayer for you, if you’re reading this, is that the illness and confusion stops in your life. That it dissipates, unravels, and shrivels into the ground. And from it, clarity of mind comes forth as your spiritual birthright. May you have courage to Love yourself despite the monster/ugliness seen. God says we have power AND authority over evil. Evil has power, but it has no authority. So I pray you exercise the authority of your spirit.

This word is worth it.