How do you plan for presence?
I’m a planner. Always have been. But where is the line drawn for leaving things to the wind?
It may be somewhat neurotic or perhaps controlling to want to plan, but I believe I do a good job of leaving room for serendipity. Music events are a great example of that. I plan the arrival, the departure (for most part), and the in-between is the magic.
Uncertainty is a fact of life, yet, when applied to the larger circumstances in time spans that are not hours within a day, but perhaps months within years or just year to year, it can feel unsettling. There’s magic to be had, but instead of being care-free, insanely we can analyze and stress.
Part of my karmic quest is to break from illusions. And perhaps this title we give things, such as a “career” or a “relationship,” too is an illusion because nothing lasts forever, even though the words imply that they do.
For example, I’ve met people who have lost a child. So even the relationship word “parent” is not forever.
I suppose what I’m trying to get at is that this thing called life, which keeps going and going…it has to keep flowing. That is the very essence of life itself.
So I find that as much as I love words as a tool of expression, words, too, can be a source of illusion.
To be honest, I’m trying to find the balance between that of sexual restraint, purity, and emotional well-being versus the desire for connectivity and sexual expression. Don’t both routes provide personal growth?
It’s a fair point. Which is the path of cutting through illusion? Denial that leads to clarity? Or experience that leads to knowledge? Both play their role. The story of Adam & Eve says experience leading to knowledge is what brought hell upon them. But would they have known otherwise what they had if they had not lost it?
I don’t want to lose anymore.
I’ve lost a lot. And in return, I’ve gained Truth. That’s the price of Truth, in a world sick and corrupt with piece-mails of identity’s strung together to resemble some form of self.
I can’t remember the last time I wanted to have sex with someone and restrained myself. It makes one question, “Am I doing the right thing?”
I suppose this is walking by Faith. Giving up the present opportunity of now, in denial of gratification, for something bigger (hopefully) in the end.
It’s not easy. I do feel whole with an invigorated sense of Self having not had sex. Male energy can take a lot from a woman, and the energy of a man stays in a woman’s system longer.
That’s why I try to stay as clean as possible. I have no desire for bullshit clouding my life. As an empath, I’ve spent too much time dealing with emotions, demons, and illnesses that were never my cross to bear.
It’s been three years…
It’d be nice to have something come into my life that doesn’t make me struggle in such a way, sexually-speaking. That fulfills desire and safeguards my well-being with an offer of protection and presence.
Should I just be living in the moment? I wish I could, but life has taught me to be more judicious than that. So I live in this tormented, but safe ward that I’ve setup for myself – hoping one day it pays off.
And as much as I would love to plan a trip or a getaway or do something so lovely and fun with someone else – I draw back. Is this an opportunity to be courageous? Or is it a silly wishful whim that only repeats the pain from the past?
I’m not sure, but I’m willing to question myself and I’m willing to grow. And I take both those things as a good sign.
Sometimes the best answer is to just wait.
“Love is patient. Love is kind.”
So I stay patient and keep my current path as it has been the road less traveled. I need new in my life. I pray for connectivity.
I miss his touch.
How do you plan for presence?
I’m a planner. Always have been. But where is the line drawn for leaving things to the wind?
It may be somewhat neurotic or perhaps controlling to want to plan, but I believe I do a good job of leaving room for serendipity. Music events are a great example of that. I plan the arrival, the departure (for most part), and the in-between is the magic.
Uncertainty is a fact of life, yet, when applied to the larger circumstances in time spans that are not hours within a day, but perhaps months within years or just year to year, it can feel unsettling. There’s magic to be had, but instead of being care-free, insanely we can analyze and stress.
Part of my karmic quest is to break from illusions. And perhaps this title we give things, such as a “career” or a “relationship,” too is an illusion because nothing lasts forever, even though the words imply that they do.
For example, I’ve met people who have lost a child. So even the relationship word “parent” is not forever.
I suppose what I’m trying to get at is that this thing called life, which keeps going and going…it has to keep flowing. That is the very essence of life itself.
So I find that as much as I love words as a tool of expression, words, too, can be a source of illusion.
To be honest, I’m trying to find the balance between that of sexual restraint, purity, and emotional well-being versus the desire for connectivity and sexual expression. Don’t both routes provide personal growth?
It’s a fair point. Which is the path of cutting through illusion? Denial that leads to clarity? Or experience that leads to knowledge? Both play their role. The story of Adam & Eve says experience leading to knowledge is what brought hell upon them. But would they have known otherwise what they had if they had not lost it?
I don’t want to lose anymore.
I’ve lost a lot. And in return, I’ve gained Truth. That’s the price of Truth, in a world sick and corrupt with piece-mails of identity’s strung together to resemble some form of self.
I can’t remember the last time I wanted to have sex with someone and restrained myself. It makes one question, “Am I doing the right thing?”
I suppose this is walking by Faith. Giving up the present opportunity of now, in denial of gratification, for something bigger (hopefully) in the end.
It’s not easy. I do feel whole with an invigorated sense of Self having not had sex. Male energy can take a lot from a woman, and the energy of a man stays in a woman’s system longer.
That’s why I try to stay as clean as possible. I have no desire for bullshit clouding my life. As an empath, I’ve spent too much time dealing with emotions, demons, and illnesses that were never my cross to bear.
It’s been three years…
It’d be nice to have something come into my life that doesn’t make me struggle in such a way, sexually-speaking. That fulfills desire and safeguards my well-being with an offer of protection and presence.
Should I just be living in the moment? I wish I could, but life has taught me to be more judicious than that. So I live in this tormented, but safe ward that I’ve setup for myself – hoping one day it pays off.
And as much as I would love to plan a trip or a getaway or do something so lovely and fun with someone else – I draw back. Is this an opportunity to be courageous? Or is it a silly wishful whim that only repeats the pain from the past?
I’m not sure, but I’m willing to question myself and I’m willing to grow. And I take both those things as a good sign.
Sometimes the best answer is to just wait.
“Love is patient. Love is kind.”
So I stay patient and keep my current path as it has been the road less traveled. I need new in my life. I pray for connectivity.
I miss his touch.
